XES Library


vector illustration of a black person with blonde hair leaning back in their wheelchair while a white person with red hair is giving them oral.

Replacing the P in Pain with Pleasure! - A Guide

September 26 2021
It’s the year 2020 and we still find people settling for painful sexual encounters believing that it’s normal or inevitable. This guide explains how to live a totally fulfilling and sexually satisfying, meaningful and pleasurable life regardless of one's pain. The blog discusses creating a pleasure toolkit, promoting intimacy, adaptations, modifications, and more!
Illustration of a spine with the spinal cord splitting in half. The spinal cord illustration resembles a power cord splitting in half.

Let’s talk about sex and intimacy in healthcare

September 5 2021

Undressing, showering, toileting — we’re raised to think of these as private tasks. But if you’re a person with disability then you’ll know it can be completely necessary and accepted that healthcare workers become involved. There is another aspect of care that unfortunately gets neglected in most healthcare settings — that is, the subject of sex.

Illustration of a woman wearing black pants and a white singlet hugging herself. She is standing next to a 4-wheel walking frame.

Things I Wish That I Was Told...

August 8 2021
I wish I was told that it is okay to love my body. I wish I was told that I could do things just for myself, not anyone else. I wish I was told that self care is important, and that I should be able to do things that make me feel good. I wish that I was told my body is not something to be ashamed of. Now, I’m learning more and more about myself. I’m learning to accept my body and appreciate all that it does for me. 
Illustration of a purple hand that is dripping from lubricant poured over it. Surrounding the hand are floating illustrations of previously used lubricants such as yams, lubrication jelly, seaweed and olive oil.

Game of Lubes - the who’s, the when and the what now’s....

July 25 2021
It’s not often we think about when, how or even give the nod of approval to our helping friend lubricant - back in the olden days when sex was a mostly hidden act. As you read on you will see that lube has come a long way. It's important to remember, in order to advocate for anything we must understand the struggle to be able to appreciate the current. 
Illustration of a a couple leaning in for a kiss. One person is in a tilted power chair while their partner is balancing with one foot on the power-chair and the other foot is in the air. The partner is leaning forward to kiss the powerchair user.

8 Tips and Tricks to Help Spice Up Your Sex Life When You Have Cerebral Palsy

May 18 2021
I have had cerebral palsy my whole life which has caused me to have a lack of mobility within the left side of my body. Because of this, I have had to figure out different ways to navigate my sexual desires and sexual needs. Here are 8 tips and tricks to help spice up your sex life when you have cerebral palsy...
Illustration of a woman using lying on her back on a fit ball. She is being supported by a pelvic floor physiotherapist who is dressed in white. The client has eczema and a prosthetic leg fitted for an above knee amputation

Painful Sex and Recommendations from a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist

April 23 2021
Many clients who experience painful sex are told that it is “normal” or just something you deal with…This is far from the truth. In this blog I explain what a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist is and I give you 3 tips to take into the bedroom to help with the pain you may be experiencing.
A Conversation with Jason Clymo and Carson Tueller

A Conversation with Jason Clymo and Carson Tueller

April 6 2021



This week we were lucky enough to have Jason Clymo interview Carson Tueller for XES. Click through to hear all about the systemic desexualisation of people with disability, changes in sex life and relationships and discussions regarding the sex toy industry. 

Illustration of two people high-fiveing. The person on the left is wearing a long-sleeved orange crop top, large breasts and has black long wavy hair.  The person on the right is wearing a red jumper and has a black bob.

CRASH Course in: Neurodiverse Relational and Sexual Health

April 2 2021
We’ve all had moments where we felt left out, confused, heartbroken, and wishing life came with a rule book. OT Kayla takes us through her crash course regarding neurodiverse relationships and sexual health. Topics include intrOducTion to OT; neurOdiversiTy; cOmplianT (compliance); can they dO iT?; relatiOnship Types; reOluTions; and more.
Illustration of two different hands using their phones. The hand on the left has some finger differences and the phone is emitting an eggplant emoji. The phone on the right is held by two hands with finger splints with 2 eyes emojis.

What even is phone sex!?

March 5 2021

As our phones have developed, so has phone sex along with it. Now it’s so much more then deep-breathing-dirty-talk down the end of a landline. Phone sex can entail an array of exciting, enticing and fun aspects that you and your chosen partner(s) can enjoy. Phone sex can range anywhere from sending seductive text messages, nude photos, erotic videos, voice memos, facetime – the list is endless.

Disability Pride: Unlearning Shame and Reclaiming Pleasure

Disability Pride: Unlearning Shame and Reclaiming Pleasure

December 20 2020
I have always carried shame in my body like a vital organ; growing with me, living in and as a part of me. The processes of claiming pride in my identity as a disabled person and reclaiming pleasure have had a symbiotic relationship. I have encountered many barriers to pleasure; pain, fear of injury, lack of privacy and feeling as though I was no longer attractive...
BDSM and Chronic Pain

BDSM and Chronic Pain

December 6 2020

In my personal life, and past relationships, there have been comments made and questions asked regarding why I, as someone with chronic pain, am a fan of BDSM. If there was more disabled representation when openly discussing elements of BDSM in marketing and educational material, I feel that these questions, whether voiced or internalised, wouldn’t be so commonplace.

Illustration of two people standing on a staircase facing each other. One is handing the other a flower. They are both holding books that say "Going on a Date - A Social Story".

Dating on the spectrum

December 3 2020
Because dating can be more challenging for neurodiverse people, from the outside, people often assume that this indicates a lack of interest – but it couldn’t be further from the truth. While there is diversity in all of our relationship preferences, they are an important and fundamental part of being human, and this is no different for people on the autism spectrum. Sex and relationships are good for us too!
Illustration of a person in a wheelchair browsing on their computer and looking at vibrators. There are 3 different vibrators on the screen.

Accessible Sex Toys for People with Disabilities

November 28 2020
Sex and sexuality can be negatively affected by a disability, acute illness, or chronic disease. One way that occupational therapists can work with clients to help them return to sexual function is to embrace sex toys and positioning aides as adaptive equipment. So, let’s discuss barriers to sexuality and some sex aides that can help clients overcome them!
Illustration of two people staring out their window sills in different places and time zones. One looks over the beach and the other looks over the city skyline at night.

9 Tips for when you accidentally end up in a long-distance relationship

November 15 2020

Does distance really make the heart grow fonder? Sorry to break it to you, but no, it doesn’t. If you like me, are very silly and find yourself in a long-distance relationship, or alternatively are considering getting into one (RUNNNN!!!!), here are a few unsolicited tips for surviving a long-distance relationship. From someone who almost didn’t survive one.

Illustration of a person sitting on the floor looking at their phone surrounded by floating like and follow social media icons. Next to the person is a skinny woman with a big bum and a man with defined ab muscles.

The Pressures of Social Media

November 8 2020

We are living in a digital age where constant judgement and expectations are tied to the superficiality of social media. Where one day skinny is sexy, then the next, strong is the new ‘it’. There is an ever-changing bodily ideal that is considerably unattainable for most. How can we please our romantic and sexual partners and be considered attractive if we do not view ourselves this way? 

Illustration of the female reproductive organs with a swap taking some cells from the uterus.

A Pap Smear Gone Haywire

November 1 2020
I went to get my first pap smear when I was 18. I called the free university health service and requested a female doctor. For any adults with a uterus, a pap smear or cervical screening is an inevitable part of maintaining our sexual health and preventing cervical cancer.  However, sometimes the way we are treated by healthcare professionals can have a profound impact on our health-seeking behaviours. 
Vector illustration of a backpack with items spilling out including condoms, a banana, lube, rope, vibrators, pills, IUD, butt plugs and a cock ring. Large purple writing that reads "Sex Ed!"

Everything You Need To Know About Your First Cervical Screen

November 1 2020

Going for your first Cervical Screening Test, or Pap smear, can seem daunting and scary. We are here to tell you that is not the case. A Cervical Screening Test usually only takes a few minutes and is one of the safest ways to prevent Cervical cancer. We've broken down the steps of getting a Cervical Screen so you know exactly what to expect. 

Illustration of a man sitting in a wheelchair with his partner standing lovingly next to him with her hands on his shoulder and chest.

Sex and Intimacy following SCI

October 25 2020
I injured my spinal cord early into my 20s. Waking up one day completely paralysed, realising that you are now a quadriplegic and learning all of the things that were to follow as a result of paralysis was tormenting and heartbreaking. I tried with my girlfriend to have sex, nothing was going to plan. I could not hold an erection, I could barely feel what was happening and I was starting to get really upset and frustrated. 
Illustration of two men lying in bed in a spooning position. They are naked and have body hair covering their chest and legs.

Relearning Sex - Top To Bottom

October 25 2020

This week, Jason Clymo breaks down his story about how he re-learnt to experience sex and pleasure in new ways. Ongoing stigmas within our society mean that many people assume that sex after an acquired impairment is not possible/enjoyable; or perhaps that it is exactly the same as before! Jason's here to illustrate his own experience and offer some advice for having sex as or with a person with disability.

Illustration of a person lying in a sling with her arms raised behind her head and her legs dangling in the air. She is surrounded by various sex toys.

Cripping Up Sex

October 11 2020

I don’t have the luxury of keeping my sex toys private. I have Cerebral Palsy, which for me means I use a wheelchair and need help with any physical activities from eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, and everything in between. When I was 19 I had this really cool aide, shortly after hiring him he asked me “Eva, do you masturbate?”. I looked at him like “how the hell would I do that?”

Illustration of a couple in a gym setting. One person is doing a sit up and kissing the other who is in a plank position.

Get them to the gym!

October 4 2020

As expected, he wants to do everything he can to fulfil this desire. At the start of this new method his stamina was insufficient and he’d ultimately collapse on the bed in fatigue, unable to sustain it. He kept trying time after time, but again his stamina and strength were lacking.

*** Please note: this blog was written with light-hearted humour and is not intended to be taken seriously.*** 

Illustration of a person with flowers covering their breasts and pubic area.

5 Ways Being Disabled Impacts My Sexuality

September 26 2020
Alright, so here’s the thing: I’m unapologetically vocal about sex. I’m also unapologetically disabled. The two aren’t in the same realm of traits, obviously. But being disabled impacts my sexuality and directly influences how I approach everything related to sex. It surprises (and intimidates) many non-disabled people to find out I’m confidently open about both sex and disability. 
Illustration of a mother (with a visible c-section scar) with her partner behind her. Her partner is wrapping her arms around her stomach.

Mothering and Intimacy with Janelle Gullan

September 19 2020
Becoming a mother is one of the most significant rites of passage you will ever experience. However, the journey to postpartum can challenge your physical, mental, sexual and emotional wellbeing. Janelle Gullan has a passion for nurturing and empowering women to navigate conception, pregnancy, birth and mothering with self-love, confidence and vitality.
Illustration of a person sitting in a bath with headphones on. They are holding an iPod and have a bionic arm. Their other hand is holding a glass of wine.


September 15 2020
My perfect, it’s meant to be, man I thought I was going to marry and have a million kids with pulled “it’s not you, it’s me” on my cute little butt.  It was an emotionally traumatic experience, to say the least, even for a strong, independent woman like myself. To get through this breakup I was going to do anything to fast track the healing process and within that, I found a little nugget of gold: sex and relationship podcasts. 
My Reproductive Organs Hate Me

My Reproductive Organs Hate Me

September 8 2020
By the time I was twenty-four I was back to soaking through tampons and pads. It hurt to have sex, it hurt to stand up for too long, it hurt to get out of bed, it hurt to go to the toilet. My cycle brought with it never-ending stabbing pains, waves of nausea and unpredictable bloating. Enough was enough when I started to get non-stop pins and needles in my pelvic area and when sex became too painful to tolerate.
Illustration of a large bedside lamp that is shining light on a bed. The Northcott Innovation symbol is a pink circle with the letter 'n i' written inside. The illustration reads "Under the Covers with Northcott Innovation"

Under the Covers - Northcott Innovation

August 28 2020
Over a series of videos, six people from across the disability spectrum share their experiences of navigating intimate relationships and the barriers they face to enjoying a satisfying sex life. “Everyone has a right to experience it, no matter how you look or appear to others. Everyone has a right to be loved, and to feel that intimacy with someone else.”
Illustration of multiple naked partners who are all linked by holding hands or touching one another. Colours used are orange and purple.

Dating With a Side of Polyamory

August 23 2020

With polyamory, you can fall in love again and again, enjoying that initial excitement turning into intimate connection without having to let go of another. Love is not limited. You have enough love to give to as many people as you want, it does not have to be confined romantically to one person. As you have many friendships that are unique, you too can have unique romantic ones that fulfil different needs.

Illustration of a dark purple person sitting on top of an orange person in a wheelchair. The purple person is leaning backwards with their hands on the orange persons feet and their hair flowing backwards while receiving oral sex from the orange person.

Systemic Desexualisation of People with Disability

August 21 2020

Ableism exists everywhere, so it really shouldn’t surprise you that it is experienced throughout dating and sex as well. Whether it’s being automatically friend-zoned, ignored on Tinder, or asked “Can you have sex!?!?” - it exists. But why? Why do non-disabled not know better? Why is it that even some people with disability believe they can’t be sexual?

Illustration of a timeline of sex toys through the ages.

The History of Sex Toys

August 19 2020

In 2005, a team of archeologists unearthed a 28,000-year-old dildo. This phallus was distinguished as an ‘elongated polished item with round incisions at the top’ by its finders. With this image in mind, we invite you to join us on a voyage into the expansive history of human sexuality, exploring the prevalence of sex toys in the form of leather, wood, stone, goatskin and even camel dung. Viva la orgasm!

Image that reads 'The Sex Toy Industry Is Flawed' with a picture of FlexMami inset.

The Sex Toy Industry Is Flawed ft XES Products

August 16 2020

We recently caught up with FlexMami on her podcast Whatever I Want to discuss the lack of accessibility in the sex toy industry. 

Topics discussed include: How inaccessible the sex toy industry can be; what kind of sex toys people with varying needs and abilities may need; how the industry is improving and where it's regressing; and more... 

Image that reads "A conversation with Jennie Williams from Enhance the UK, #UndressingDisability" in red writing. There is an image of Jennie Williams to the right of the text. Jennie is wearing sunglasses and an orange and blue floral dress.

A Conversation with Jennie Williams from Enhance the UK

August 9 2020
[VIDEO CONTENT] We recently caught up with Jennie Williams, the CEO of Enhance the UK. Enhance the UK aims to change the way people view disability, which often involves removing the ‘fear factor’ that so often surrounds the subject.  'Undressing Disability' aims to raise standards in sexual health and sexual awareness for disabled people.
Illustration of a person with their hand covering their pubic area. The person is coloured in red and their arm is orange. They have hair covering their body. Their pubic area hair is shaped with a loveheart.

The pleasure quest

August 5 2020
So you can imagine how excited I was to add another human into the mix. And look, after the natural first few fumbles that come with losing your V plates, doing the deed was starting to get good. But it was just that, good. Not great. Not explosive. Not even close to what I could achieve with 30 seconds and my right hand. I was into the sex, but why did I feel the need to go home and finish myself off?
Illustration of a woman in a wheelchair wearing a white singlet. There are question marks and exclamation marks in the illustration. There is a persons bottom half - with their hands crossed in front of their pubic region. The person has leg & pubic hair

Sex, Dating and Disability

July 28 2020
Everytime I thought about dating, I had this internal monologue in which I was constantly asking myself if people would be able to see past the label and see me for who I am when our society is filled with so many preconceived ideas of what it means to be disabled, how the heck is sex going to work, and if I disclosed my disability would the conversation with my perspective date just fizzle into nothingness? 
My goddam uterus

My goddam uterus

July 11 2020
Once a month like clockwork, I was encumbered by visceral shooting pains and cramping. I simply thought the much-anticipated war had arrived and the battleground was situated squarely within my pelvic region. Awoken by the pain in the early hours of the morning, hobbled over on my bathroom floor, heat pack in hand, I was sharing – albeit so I thought – in that uniquely female experience...
There is a blue hand holding a brown hand, a girl with brown skin wearing an eye patch, a women wearing a head scarf, a present, a love letter, a plant being watered and a hand in the rock on gesture.

How do you love? (The 5 Love Languages Explained)

July 11 2020
Your partner’s birthday is coming up. Do you write them a card, buy them a gift, or take them out on a date - or perhaps a combination? Now flip the script and think about what you would most appreciate most on your birthday? This is the concept of love languages - the way we like to give, receive, and express love.
An illustration of an (orange coloured) naked man and woman standing with the erogenous zones on their body labelled.

You're in the zone

July 11 2020
Let’s start with an anecdote, shall we? Picture this: you’re young, cradling the space between childhood and your teenage years. In the playground, perhaps. A school friend runs on over, settles their fingertips in a ball across your undressed knees and tenderly splays them open. “That,” they tell you, “is 1/8th of an orgasm.”